“no one can dance with a partner and not touch each other’s raw spots. We must know what these raw spots are and be able to speak about them in a way that pulls our partner closer to us.” ― Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
One of you LOVES to talk
Your partner? Not so much.
You think to yourself “what is wrong with them”? They never have anything to say”.
Then your mind starts racing. You vacillate between anger and hurt, wondering why your partner doesn’t seem to care.
You work so hard to try and be a team and stay connected, but each time you try to connect, it doesn’t seem to work and you end up feeling more and more alone.
NOW ON TO THE PERSON WHO DOES NOT SEEM TO HAVE THE SAME PASSION FOR TALKING.
You hear everything your partner says and it takes you a minute to understand and make sense of what your partner is saying.
You work hard to keep the peace because you don’t want to make your partner more angry, but sometimes you get so overwhelmed you feel like you need to run or shut down to keep things from getting worse.
MANY COUPLES EXPERIENCE THIS EXACT PATTERN.
You’re not alone.
This cycle we find ourselves in can be so frustrating and lonely because all we want is to feel heard and understood by our partner.
Instead, we’re left feeling angry, hurt, and disconnected.
I often say to couples you have created a story of your relationship and constructed negative characters to describe one another.
One person is seen as someone who nags, intense, and MUST be heard and will go to great lengths to do that.
The other person is seen as someone who doesn’t care, shuts down, and doesn’t try.
THINKING OF EACH OTHER IN THIS WAY DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.
It leaves both in the relationship feelings not good enough, angry, and defeated.
There is a way to change and shift the way we think of one another. When we change the way we think about each other and learn how to more effectively communicate the arguing and feelings of disconnection will fade away.
Still have questions…Contact me here and I will reach out to you so we can explore the next best steps!